The thought that changed me inside out

The thought that changed me inside out

I never was of that sort who could make parents and teachers proud of his skills. I rather was someone who always struggled with his subjects throughout his life as a school going boy and as a college-going adult.

I hated it

My knowledge in computer and other similar subjects sucks. I was always the last guy to be spotted in any line that tested skills and knowledge. I have worked tirelessly to get where I am today as a software developer who always hated being encountered with teachers and tried avoiding conversations with the first row students completely dedicated with gazes glued to the blackboard and hands tirelessly penetrating the pages with a pen.

Those sitting on the first with thick glasses on

I still wonder how they ever managed to jot down every bit of information coming out of the professor’s mouth. I, on the other hand, pretended to pay attention and doodle the pages with my pen that kept me on for four years.

Teachers words always faced Over Head Transmission in my case which led to the thin score cards semester by semester.

But it was not that bad when compared with the other students falling in our circle. I used to be happy comparing my scores with them and they used to be happy comparing theirs with mine.

When life hits you hard enough

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There are times when you are forced by the circumstance to face the walls with pants down the knees and wail in pain for your own mistakes. My negligence towards studies hauled me to the lanes of consecutive failures. By the time I entered the fifth semester, I had six papers to clear which shook my mental inertia. I had completely ruined my career by then which I realised after a long uninterrupted contemplation.

I had to go through a heated conversation with myself. Yes, I talked to myself for the first time in my entire life. This long and serious conversation with the self unfolded every single knot that held the reality. I pledged to transform myself in a constructive way.

Transformations that took place

I commenced working on myself and developed the habits needed for my amelioration. I had started taking part in conversations and interactions. I became a child once again, completely ignorant and curious. Made every single effort to scale up and crack the shell of my comfort zone.

Within a few months of unflinching efforts and deliberate practice, I had started observing a tremendous change in everything I did. My scores in the internals improved from single digit to double, professors started calling me by name instead of pointing fingers to spot me. I had drastically improved my academics through consistent hard work and deliberations.

Subjects became a cakewalk for me by the time I successfully made my way into the seventh semester. I was no more the old boy sitting in the corner scrolling phone or ogling. Though I did not change my bench but my habits and attitude.

I never had to bite the dust in the classroom nor in the field while making esoteric conversations with the elites.

Something still sucked

The only problem that I could never get the better of was the mathematical tables used in logics specifically in boolean algebra, boolean functions and propositional calculus.

I had to take help of truth table generator for better and accurate results. Truth table generator made the task easy and kept me away from performing mind-numbing equation manually. They still give me nightmares.